My brother sent me the link to this video quite a while ago, I think he knew it would impact me, but I don’t think he knew how much it would move me. I get so focused on work, and have a hard time shutting it off, and it’s easy to “be wore out” and loose focus on what’s really important. I’ve started watching this video at the very end of almost every work day. It helps me to reset before I head home, help me remember why I grind away at work, the real reason I go to work, to provide.
When I don’t take the time to reset and refocus, I get caught up in myself and feel like I’m climbing out of the fire at work, and jumping into another when I get home. I stay stressed and short tempered, yelling and hurting those that I care about the most. Then I get frustrated with myself. Last weekend I got so anxious as a result of this vicious cycle, I felt like I needed to escape, my instinct was to run back to work, to feel like I was accomplishing something, to be in control.
I had the chance to go to my son’s preschool for “Donuts for Dads” day. There was a guest speaker who stood in front of all and, “I don’t know why they asked me to speak today, I failed as a father. I spent all my time at the gym, and at work, eating up all the overtime I could get chasing the all mighty dollar. I never would have come to an event like this because I thought I was doing my duty earning money to put a roof over their head. Providing means so much more than that. Why do you think there are so many angry young men out there? It’s because of selfish Dads like me that are absent, or leave. So I commend you for being here. Take the time.”
So my goal for this weekend is to slow it down, focus on what really matters, be in the moment, and to be an intentional father.
I’ve also learned that I only function well when I have a good relationship the my Heavenly Father. Reflecting on the past couple weeks I now clearly see that I was under attack. Every time I tried to create some solo time, or we had a chance to go to church, or be involved in community, something came up. I would wake especially early for the sole purpose of finding some solo time with God, and my boys would wake up and put an end to that. I would stay up late with the intention of journaling or writing and they wouldn’t go to sleep. I would go into work early to find some solitude, and there would be someone there or other interruptions, even with the store closed. All coincidence? Or a methodic assault on my heart?
I was listening to The Order Of Man podcast yesterday, and he was interviewing my favorite author John Eldredge. The part of that conversation that stuck out to me was the daily “hassles” or things that cause us frustration, should really be called battles. We need to change our mindset and look at them as battles, as attacks on our heart, and daily we need to prepare for battle. Watching the sun come up this morning, and preparing for the battles of today, my prayer is for strength, patience, guidance, and for God to Father me, to make me an authentic man, a strong husband, intentional father, and raise my sons by design.